post-trial garbage feelings

[ballisdeath]

[ The campfire is still roaring. S'mores supplies are hanging around the area. There's still a faint scent of copper on the air, for those who can really recognize it.

Leon is leaning against Mami on one of the logs around the fire. He's been acting like he's uncaring-- and a lot of it stems from bitterness that this happened to him and he had to watch it AGAIN. But he's calmed down now. He actually looks rather peaceful, if a bit weathered.

There's also now a pizza sitting on another nearby seat. It's cheese and a little cold. ]

Spell didn't work. Delivery man practically blinked out of existence. I thought I'd try since... look at all of us now.

[ That's all he murmurs. Join the campfire? ]

Comments

[bladeisme]

....

[He's silent for a long moment, looking at her before shaking his head.]

...Hard not to when you have the power to potentially stop this kind of thing.

[fallbymyhands]

. . . we all have the power to potentially stop this kind of thing.

And yet, none of us were able to.

[bladeisme]

I - Know. But...still, I...

[He trails off, making a small noise.]

I can't - I can't even see her spirit. I can't do anything for her...alive, or dead.

[And honestly?

That's what hurts the most.

That helplessness, boring into his skin.]

[fallbymyhands]

I see. . .

Being a shinigami, you were able to assist those even after death back home. But now. . . you're truly helpless.

[she doesn't mean it callously. she's just trying to understand Ichigo's feelings]

It must be difficult. I wish there was more I could do for you.

[bladeisme]

[He scowls a little harder when she says that - he's not sure if she meant to dig deep, but he certainly didn't need the reminder of his failure.

But then she says the last bit, and his expression...softens.]

...It's alright. I'll just - have to get used to this, I guess.

[Despite him wanting anything but to get used to seeing people die in front of him, but -

What other choice did he have?]

[fallbymyhands]

[she didn't. but, again. . . she's never been great at comfort]

You shouldn't have to. [a sigh] IS there anything I or anyone else can do to help?

[bladeisme]

...I...

[He knows he should rely on others, here - he'd learned that lesson back home, to trust his friends, his nakama to have his back and fight along side him.

But except for Kon, he doesn't know anyone here - and that makes him want to pull in on himself, until he finds people to trust.

But at the same time...]

...I don't...know. This is - I've lost my powers before, but...

[He goes quiet, then shakes his head.]

...I've never...had to see someone die like that in front of me, and I...wasn't able to stop it.

[fallbymyhands]

[oh, Ichigo. . .]

[his words bring back harsh memories for Mitsuru. memories of her father, of Shinjiro, both dying in front of her and her team, with none of them able to act or stop the inevitable. she takes in a breath, and lets it out slowly]

It isn't something you ever get used to. Not after the first time, the second time, or even the tenth time.

[she closes her eyes]

But there are still others here who are alive and well and can use your protection. You cannot let your sense of failure hold you back, Kurosaki.

[bladeisme]

[He pauses, looking at her - because those words...they touch something, deep inside. She looks like she knows what she's saying - how many people has she had to watch die in front of her? - and he slowly, slowly nods.

She's right. He can't fall to grief or self-blame just yet. There are too many weeks to go, and people will still need him.

He can still protect someone, right?]

....Yeah. Thanks, Kirijo. For reminding me of that.

[fallbymyhands]

[and Ichigo finds himself the recipient of a rare smile]

Of course. If I'm able to lend you my strength, then that makes me happy. Because it means then, you'll be able to take that strength and continue to lend yours to others.