No. Just... a lot of people died, around the same time. It didn’t seem right to celebrate.
[Ah, yes, a whiff of survivor’s guilt for yet another bit of camp bingo.
He’s so bad at talking about this, especially when it feels like he might see some of those people again, coral-lined, the moment he turns his head anywhere in this camp. He tries not to think about it, lately, and it helps when they have things to do. People to save. Last-ditch world-shaking plans to aim for. It’s always helped, to feel a little less himself and a little more his mission, even if sometimes camp makes him wonder what it would be like — to be both.]
It’s not... [he trails off for a moment] It’s different. Here in camp.
[Probably, not even Lenka knows what he’s trying to say with his insistence on that. That death is different here. That he’ll be more useful here. That no birthday is guaranteed here. Who knows.]
no subject
[Ah, yes, a whiff of survivor’s guilt for yet another bit of camp bingo.
He’s so bad at talking about this, especially when it feels like he might see some of those people again, coral-lined, the moment he turns his head anywhere in this camp. He tries not to think about it, lately, and it helps when they have things to do. People to save. Last-ditch world-shaking plans to aim for. It’s always helped, to feel a little less himself and a little more his mission, even if sometimes camp makes him wonder what it would be like — to be both.]
It’s not... [he trails off for a moment] It’s different. Here in camp.
[Probably, not even Lenka knows what he’s trying to say with his insistence on that. That death is different here. That he’ll be more useful here. That no birthday is guaranteed here. Who knows.]